I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize