Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
