I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
