God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
