I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
