some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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