I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
