trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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