her vagine was all disorganized.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
