shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
two words...techno handjob
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
