i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
