kristin has been a bad kristin
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
