Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
