i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
