and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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