well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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