Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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