I'm so fucking centered right now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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