no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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