hotel room ftw
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
