you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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