Tell her she can't have a vagina
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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