Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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