my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Randomize
