now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
