Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
