I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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