I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ttyl tear gas
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
