Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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