the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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