Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
