i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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