I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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