Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
