Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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