You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
