He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I intend to get homeless drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
