Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
