we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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