Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
