My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize