Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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