You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize