I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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