apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
