Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
