honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
