when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
