there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
