Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
