I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
