So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
