so explain again why im purple
no
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
