we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
