I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
