okay pat passed out under dana's car
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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