We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
