My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
