tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
