You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
