So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ttyl tear gas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
