I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
