Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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