Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
