rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize