Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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