is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My balls are so social today.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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