I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
