Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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