You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
