She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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