Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
