I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
