nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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