Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
