Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
