The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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