thus making me awesome and them whores
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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