no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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