Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
