I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize