Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
