This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
