And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
