I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
