I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
