I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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